Enough.

The opposite of poverty is not wealth.
The opposite of poverty is enough.

I read this statement on a website today and got to thinking. About my life. My belongings. My spending habits. Me. Me. Me.

Then I started to wonder how it is that I have become so self-centered. Why don't I care about my family, friends, neighbors? Why do I consistently worry about my own journey through life and not the struggle that many others face each and every day? Why have I fallen into the trap of consumerism and feel that I am entitled to buy whatever I want or need whenever I have the whim to do so? Why do I consider my money to be my own? Why did I just buy another pair of shoes that will inevitably be thrown or given away within the next year when there are countless children in the world who don't have any shoes at all? Why...

After all these thoughts tumbled around in my head, I began to question the words I use and the statements I make about poverty, money, compassion. Do I really care about those in need? Do I really want to change my lifestyle so that others can change theirs? Do I really see and love others as Christ does...pain and all? Or is it all meaningless rhetoric meant to make me look kind when I am not.

These thoughts are painful. It is like finding a mask on your own face. A mask that you wish could remain but that you must take off to truly encounter yourself and the world. This mask screams hypocrisy.

Now I am left wondering where to go from here. How can I learn to be content and joyful with what I have and who I am without wanting more?

How can I see that I have enough and others do not, genuinely care about this problem, and move forward pragmatically to affect small changes where I can?

Perspective.

More well-needed encouragement.

If I care to listen to every criticism, let alone act on them, then this shop may as well be closed for all other businesses. I have learned to do my best, and if the end result is good then I do not care for any criticism, but if the end result is not good, then even the praise of ten angels would not make the difference.

Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865, Sixteenth President of the USA)

Today I have my students writing and acting out skits to review for their unit test tomorrow. I'm not sure if it's an effective way to study, but they sure do enjoy it! And, when they enjoy class, the hours just fly by! After today I have but 3 1/2 days left with the kids. Then, after two half days of working in my classroom, I am home-free. Saying goodbye to Orange City will be hard. I'm not sure yet how to fully say goodbye to a place that has changed me so drastically. And, to say goodbye to my students and the Barkers at the same time... How can I do all that in just a few days? I literally hate saying goodbye. I'm not good at it. But, then again, who is? I suppose I just have to change my perspective *Alex!* and think of all I get to say 'hello' to. Oh, so cheesy, but true. I anticipate a lot of changes in these next few months. So, I guess, in the long run, there is a lot to look forward to.

Resolve.

"We keep going back, stronger, not weaker, because we will not allow rejection to beat us down. It will only strengthen our resolve. To be successful there is no other way." ~Earl Graves

i found this quote waiting in my desk drawer this morning. i remember copying it onto a note card months ago and have no idea where it's been since then. but, it arrived at the perfect moment, right when i needed it. so, here i am. back at work. to face another day. to become stronger.

Tears.

If you ever want to be completely humiliated, do the following:

* Spend hours preparing for a sub.
* Take a day off to spend time with friends and family...and to graduate.
* Go to school on Sunday to get ready for the next week.
* Read a letter from your sub where you and your skills/abilities as a teacher are ripped to shreds explicitly, numerous times.
* Cry for 2-3 hours and feel on the verge of tears the rest of the day.
* Spend an hour preparing a whole new behavior plan.
* Listen to several others, on Monday morning, describe the day to you. How the sub cried. How the other teachers had to yell at my kids. How my classroom needs more structure.
* Go explain new behavior plan to principal and cry in her office.
* Cry in front of your first class when you explain how very disappointed you are.
* Avoid lunch so you don't have to see the looks all the other teachers give you.
* Know that you have 11 more days to wash, rinse, and repeat.

Moods.

Teacher Appreciation Week.

Day 2:

After yet another
terrible,
horrible,
no good,
very bad day
I have decided to look for some positive things in life.

* Second chances: I had an excellent conversation with a colleague who I assumed hated my guts. He was surprisingly encouraging!
* Surprises: I received a free lunch and bag of goodies to celebrate the week!
* Storms: After being stranded at school in an afternoon storm, I made my way home to yet another storm. This time, however, I ran outside and jumped on the trampoline in the pouring rain and hail. I only went inside because the thought of being struck by lightning didn't sound too appealing. (However, the thought did cross my mind, briefly, that this could be preferable to going back to work tomorrow...)
* Sleep: I had a wonderful late evening nap. It was truly lovely beyond words...
* And, best of all, I had beautiful conversations with three of my favorite people!

I just have to survive through
Wednesday: long, long, long day
Thursday: short day
Then, it's Friday and sanity will arrive in the form of 7 beautiful people whom I love, love, love!

Teacher Appreciation Week

This is apparently teacher appreciation week. Who knew?! I figure a blog is in order...

Day 1:

* As I write on the board, Dominick enters the room and immediately begins to ask who the sub is. Well, it's me. You'd think my kids would recognize me by now!

* Torin and Jose have decided to 'strike' my class. Apparently it's terribly cruel to expect them to listen when I teach. They also made signs that read, "Now it's a crime to laugh." No, my friends, it's a crime I didn't tell you what I really think about you...

* Dylon screams, "Holy s..." across my room." My thoughts exactly. Except, I didn't scream it, so I don't have to sit on the bench tomorrow during recess.

* I spent 45 minutes making new seating charts for tomorrow. And, undoubtedly, there will be many tears and gnashing of teeth, but I WILL NOT BACK DOWN! So, sit down and deal with it.

Oh, I cannot wait for day 2. 3. 4. 5...

Hands Up High.

I have been swept up on the emotional roller coaster that is 6th grade. What a joy ride! Sometimes I feel like laughing; sometimes like screaming.